Suddenly i remembered this time when i was at the SOC ground with my recruit aaron. we were at the swing trainer. If i remembered correctly he was having blisters and having a hard time trying to clear the station and i said this to him; "All our lives we were taught how easy it was to give up and take the easy way out. What if it is possible that it wasnt so easy to give up? That giving up would be the hardest thing you had to do?" after saying that i surprised that i could even say that. words form so easily though it has come close to that point now. giving up. everything about me right now wants to give up and have things go the way things used to be. why dont i? part of me doesnt understand. it used to be so easy. why is it that now i fail in something i must get up and do it again? whats so different this time round? again i giving it another shot. yesterday night i was so close to giving up again. yet i didnt. and it hurts. and i wonder why i put up such a fight. for what reason? for what purpose? lost yet again Di? *chuckles* perhaps. however looks like i cant stay down anymore. no matter how painful it is i have to keep getting up. keep moving forward. to what ever it is that i am suppose to be doing. what ever it is that i want. i can see it so im going to go get it. its not to far now. yet its another case of so near yet so far. haha. i havent this fast in a long time for once i dont really care how the words are formed up. words are so easily formed arent they? at least im putting this to good use right now. letting out the steam thats been building up for what seems like ages. hahah even though i know its been a feww weeks. cant refuse to see cant refuse to hear cant refuse to move. ill have plenty of time to do that when i die. hahah i have a gut feeling even when i die its just gonna be a fleeting moment b4 the next time i have to see something hear something do something. my fingers are so restless right now i having so much fun typing all of this out. ive always loved to form words. so im just gonna do just that. my brain my body my mind has become like my old crappy com that breaks down from overloading time to back all the info i stored up in there to somewhere else so this crappy 'com' of mine can keep functioning. man this is getting long but doesnt seem like i wanna stop. it has moved up the tension in my stomach that i felt yesterday moved to my chest i have a feeling its going to keep moving just like i am going to keep moving my own direction. hahah i wonder if thats why kelvin didnt make such a fuss about me 'leaving' when ive seen so many people get hammered for doing so? *chuckles* i bet he knows im gonna have such a hard time. the time i spent with eci has come to a point where its always a safe haven for me it became too easy for me to stay there. so many people there are strong that they carried me this far. so when i decided i wanted to carry myself and find my own way of doing it he didnt have to hammer me. im already being hammered on my own hahahha its really funny. being hammered from him prob makes me wanna stay even more *chuckles* things can get so twisted ya? hahahah yup yup its moving up almost at the throat now. i guess im gonna keep moving. observing lin clean up yesterday was interesting in a sad way. i was thinking to myself that ive i had 'left' i would have been the one cleaning beside her. hahahah well i got my stuff to clean up first before i can start cleaning with other people. it was hard i couldnt even resist helping out at a request. *chuckles* i guess its hard being on my own since i never really took the time to do it. i always needed someone else. i want it to come to a point that im around someone not because i need to but simply just cause i want it that way. just like this is how i want my writing my thoughts my feelings to be expressed. it feels good. feels good to stand learn to stand on my own falling over so many times. picking myself up falling again. when i look back its kinda funny ya know? welll theres still so much i have to learn for me to do so a lot has been given to me so i gotta learn to get such stuff on my own. trip fall get knocked around? thats fine ill find a way to bypass all that. be a more reliable person. not because i need to do it or because people demand it of me but simply that is how i want it to be. that way people dont have to worry abt me anymore. *chuckles* they are gonna worry anyway but it takes away most of it perhaps hahahha. well i feel kinda light im gonna head out do what im suppose to do today. check out the price for the ipod AV cable!!! and start out on my story later finish up burning my anime. end of rambling -Didi out-

Side by side

There was once a boy who likes to walk on his own. One day he happens to look back and notices a boy of the same age following him. He looks strangely familiar to the boy, however the boy cant seem to recall where he has seen him before. The boy ignores the one following him and carries on walking by himself. After awhile he looks back again and the boy following him is still there.

"Who are you?" he asked the one following him.

"You don't know?" asked the other boy in surprise.

"No. I don't," he replied frowning slightly.

"You just forgot." said the other boy smiling slightly.

With that both boys carried on walking, one following the other. For years this carried on. The boy walking on his own with the other boy following without saying a word to each other. one knowing the other is always following him, the other knowing that one will continue walking alone. Then comes the time when both turns 21. The boy always walking alone finally stops walking and turns around to face the person always following him.

"Why?" the boy asks simply.

"So that 1 day you will remember," the other one replies.

"When will that be?" the boy asks. The other one shrugs.

"What will happen if i remember?" the boy asks. The other one gives him a smile and looks up at the sky.

"That will be the day we start walking together."